A Bruckless woman whose parents died within 48 hours of each other has spoken out on a ‘heartless rule’ that left her unable to make a eulogy at their funeral.
Deirdre (Dee) McGettigan and her siblings lost their parents, Jackie and Ann McGettigan when they passed away two days apart during Christmas 2023.
Jackie passed on the 23rd of December and Ann unexpectedly passed on Christmas Day.
Daughter Dee said her family experienced a horrific grief as they were suddenly “propelled into two funerals”.
They had written two short eulogies for their parents, of three minutes in total, not knowing they would not be allowed to say a word in their parish church.
She claimed the officiating priest at the time in the Church of St. Joseph and St. Conal, Bruckless put a “blanket no” on eulogies in the church.
Dee told her experience on RTE’s Upfront with Katie Hannon last night, during which she said he was “seething with anger” on the day of her parents’ double funeral.
“The fifth commandment is honour your father and mother. I did that for all of my living years and their living years. In their death, I wasn’t allowed to say one word for them,” Dee said.
“I am still extremely angry and I can’t get to the next stage of my grieving journey because of what happened.”
Dee said that, weeks before her passing, her mother had expressed a wish that her daughter would say “something nice” about her at her funeral. Dee only got the chance to read the eulogies to family and friends four weeks later at their month’s mind Mass.
Dee said she wrote to the priest and the Bishop. She said she received no response from the priest and said that the Bishop apologised that it caused a “sense of hurt”. She said she felt the response was not adequate: “It’s more than a sense of hurt, it’s unmeasurable,” she said.
Last night’s Upfront with Katie Hannon held a scoping discussion on eulogies at funeral masses.
During the show, Fr Michael Toomey from Waterford & Lismore, who celebrates Mass on RTÉ News, sympathised with Dee and said that priests nationwide are divided by different rules.
“The bishops and the dioceses need to sit down and work out one set of rules for all dioceses of Ireland,” Fr Twomey said.
“I’m appealing to the bishops and the dioceses to please sort this out.”
RTE Upfront reported that there was no response from the Diocese of Raphoe on the issue.
Watch here:
“The fifth commandment is ‘Honour your father and mother'”
Dee shares her experience of being told she could not give a eulogy at her parents’ funeral.#RTÉUpfront | @rtenews pic.twitter.com/IyyaD9BlJv
— Upfront with Katie Hannon (@RTEUpfront) January 13, 2025
