Schools out for summer and it may be the perfect time for “the talk”.
No matter how close you are to your kids, there are always going to be conversations that are difficult to have with them.
One of the hardest, of course, is talking to teens about puberty, both because it’s a sensitive, very personal subject, and because teenagers are very easily embarrassed.
New research suggests 68% of parents are unsure about how to even start the puberty conversation, and a quarter avoid the talk completely, leading to more than half of teenagers (53%) obtaining information and advice from friends and the internet, and 6% even preferring text or WhatsApp to get their information.
Yet it’s clear parents want to help their teens – 76% of mums and dads say they’d like their teenager to see them as the first port of call for help and advice, and 49% of teens said they were happiest speaking to their mum about such personal issues.
But although it’s teens who need advice, it may be parents themselves who need the initial help to show how best to initiate and then have a successful chat about puberty.
So TV presenter and mother-of-two Nadia Sawalha has teamed up with Boots to help launch a guide, #TeenTalk, to help make the process easier.
Nadia, whose daughter Maddie is 13, says: “As a mum, I understand all too well the challenges of communicating with teens. They suddenly go from wanting to tell mum everything, to one-word answers, and you can’t solve things with a quick cuddle or a sweet treat.
“First shaves, first periods and new personal hygiene and skincare regimes are all unfamiliar experiences for teens and can be difficult topics for parents to approach.”
She points out that this is the first generation of mums going through the puberty conversation with a child so connected to social media, and says: “It’s difficult. Just like our teens, we’re figuring it all out as we go.”
Campaign expert and ‘teenologist’ Sarah Newton says: “The teen talk can be awkward because parents and children probably haven’t had a conversation that’s this important yet, and we put lots and lots of pressure on ourselves to get it right.”
The #TeenTalk research found that only a third of teens are comfortable talking about personal care (body odour and skin), just a quarter are comfortable talking about bodily changes during puberty. Only 18% find it easy to talk about menstruation.
Yet a third of teens don’t feel very confident about having a chat with their mum about puberty either.
Nadia’s daughter Maddie says: “I know that talking to mum might not always seem like the easiest thing to do, especially about topics like puberty. Sometimes you don’t feel like talking and sometimes you have lots of questions, but might feel a bit embarrassed.
“But remember, they’ve been through it too and they know everything you’re experiencing is completely natural, so just keep talking.”
Sarah stresses there’s no right or wrong way to prepare a teenager for puberty, although 40% of parents think the best way to start the conversation is to have a one-on-one chat with their teen, and the majority said their best advice for the chat is to “be honest and open”.
Sarah agrees: “It’s about giving them the facts. Being honest, but not overwhelming them with information. They’ll come back and ask more questions when they’re ready.”
She points out that the teen talk shouldn’t just be a one-off conversation, and stresses: “It should be an ongoing conversation about empowerment and choice – what better conversation is there to have?”
Boots has produced a free #TeenTalk guide, which contains advice from Sarah Newton, Nadia Sawalha and her daughter Maddie. The guide is available from www.boots.com/teentalk
Talking to your teenagers about puberty
*While on the surface it is about puberty, it is really about helping your child respect and accept their changing body and love themselves more. It is a conversation about empowerment and choice, and what better conversation is there to have?
*Be honest, if you are finding it challenging, say so, you don’t have to have all the answers here, you are just the facilitator of the conversation.
*Be truthful and let your child know your intentions and how you are feeling. This is a team effort, not a top-down conversation, so start as you mean to go on.
Ask your child how they would best like to have this conversation. Let them know it is important for you to have it, but ask them what is best for them. Would they like to go somewhere other than the house, would they like some information first, then the talk? What works well for them? If your child is more introvert and quiet in nature they may prefer to research first and ask questions, rather than have this be the fully-blown conversation that a more gregarious child may be happy with.
*Find a hook. Find something in the media lately that you can hook this to; maybe it’s an Instagram post you saw, or something you heard about, or an advert. Puberty is always in the spotlight in some way. Use these things you find as a hook to start the conversation.
*Get support if you are finding starting this conversation difficult. Get some support for yourself, a friend or a family member that you can talk to who can give you good constructive advice is always helpful.
*Get yourself prepared so you feel confident for the conversation.
If you are a single parent to a child of a different gender, don’t assume they don’t want to talk to you about puberty, just ask them.
*Don’t make it serious; while this may be an important conversation it doesn’t have to be serious. Lighten the conversation as much as you can, it will put both of you at ease!
